The End of the Beginning
by Ldylaura2828
Summary: After the JAM kiss and beyond. A bit more graphic than the rest so not for the faint of heart. The sexual tension is resolved
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Just a rabid fan and virgin writer, so please be kind. You are invited to the party in my head. Yes, I know its been done but this is my therapy. This story gets more and more graphic as you read so not for the faint of heart. Sexual tension will find no release on tv, so I give them relief here.

Chapter 1: The End of the Beginning

"Jim, listen..." She never got to finish her jumbled thought. Jim's strong hands were on her waist as if to secure in place against his desk and his body. He longed for this moment. He prepared for this very moment for years. A thousand times a day, Jim kissed her in his mind. He played it out in his head until he could almost taste her lips on his. Some place in his mind he was grateful for all the practice because right now he had no idea what he was doing. He just couldn't stop himself. After so long of letting their eyes say everything their eyes were locked into a stare and finally their lips took over the communications. His lips were descending on hers. Time slowed down. Her eyes fluttered shut a moment before she felt his lips. He kept his eyes open for as long as he was able so he could memorize this moment. Too soon the pleasure was too much and his eyes closed to fully enjoy perfection. His lips were as soft as she imagined and she imagined them a lot. With the touch of his beautiful full lips on hers, Pam's world that she was desperately trying to hold together simply shattered. She heard her little moan of surrender. He heard it too because his hands tighten at the sound. Her hands seemed to have a will of their own as they slipped up his shoulders and into his sexy tousled hair. Her lips response and she deepen the kiss. It was pure bliss.

The years of wondering, of wanting, of heartache was worth it all for this one simple kiss. It was better than the best sex Jim ever had. Pam felt like she was on fire from the inside out. She could feel Jim's long lean body pressed against her. Her stomach clenched as she realized how aroused they both were just from this one kiss. She felt the kiss down to her very soul. It was the most perfect moment either of them ever experienced. She wanted it to never end but she had to pull herself back to reality or she would lose herself completely.

She pushed back from his lips. It was one of the hardest things she ever had to do. He came forward a bit wanting the separation. He finally felt whole and he didn't want the incompleteness back not yet. She drew back further and he resigned himself to feeling bereft. He opened his eyes to look at her. Her cheeks were flushed. Pam's eyes were wide with confusion and something else. Jim knew what he wanted to see there but he wouldn't presume to know what he saw. Pam didn't know what to say as she stood pressed way too close to his body to think straight. Her lips moved but nothing came out. Jim was looking down at her with pure love. He swallowed and tried to form words in his very dry mouth to no Advil.

Jim had told her he loved her. His kiss certainly supported his claim. She had never felt so loved. As she looked up at him, she knew her life was a complete disaster but she needed to kiss him one more time. She needed to tasted love, again. Jim remained pressed against her body holding her little waist in his hands not knowing what to do. He watched her eyes spark with something and then she was kissing him again. It happened so quick, he could only response with all the love in his heart. Oh God, this is what he needed so badly for so long. He couldn't stop the groan of pleasure that came out of his mouth. She responded hotly to hearing his need for her and she moved her hips against him. Desire like nothing she had ever felt sparked up through her body. His hands traveled up her back to pull her even closer. Her breasts ached as he crushed her into him. He lost all rational thought. Jim just wanted to have what should be his. Their tongues seemed to be doing what their lower bodies were begging them to do. Hearts were singing with a rapid rhythm and breath was coming in pants but neither of them wanted to break this kiss for a non-necessity like air. She had never felt this turned on in her life. Pam needed him to be closer to her. She needed him inside her as deep as he could go but even that he probably wouldn't be close enough. She wanted to envelop him. Pam was sure she would die if they didn't...

Honk! Honk! Pam and Jim jumped guiltily apart. It took a second but they both realized it was a delivery truck outside that rounded the building to do an evening pickup. They were less than 24 inches apart but an ocean could have been between they and they would have been closer. All their hot passion slipped away from them and they were realized they were standing in the middle of the office. Pam looked mortified and ashamed as she looked at Jim. Jim looked at the woman he loved and realized those kisses might be all he ever had of happiness. Neither knew what to do or say.

She couldn't understand what just happened. She had no framework to place it in. Pam wasn't the type of girl to response in that manner. She was shocked at herself. She was embarrassed and ashamed of how she response to him. Jim, her best friend, a man not her fiancée had kissed her. Jim. A man who showed her in his kiss what love really tasted like. Oh, dear God what did she do? Before she realized it she was running out the door and to the staircase. She couldn't go down the stairs because she might run into people in the parking lot. There were no people. She couldn't face people because surely they would know what she had done. Up. She could go up and out. Yes. Up. Her feet were flying as quickly as her heels would let her go.

Jim stood frozen and watched her flee the scene of their crime. He turned and sat on his desk. He rolled out his chair and his feet found a resting place. Elbows on knees his hands went to his face. He hands covered his face. His eyes closed. Instantly, Pam was in his arms and she was kissing him. That little bit of ecstasy was going to cost and cost him big. He would pay dearly for that piece of heaven by being in hell for the rest of his life. It was painful to wonder about the bliss of Pam's kiss but it was a new level of hell all together to experience her knowing he would probably never do so again. He knew without a doubt Pam was his soul mate. The kiss confirmed that she was meant to be his. Without sounding corny she simply completed him. She was his very reason for breathing. How this happened he didn't quite understand but this was his hellish reality. He tasted ecstasy and now he would know true agony because nothing could compare.

When she got to the roof she took a deep breath. Her lungs hurt. Her head throbbed. Her heart was breaking. He loved her. She realized she wasn't surprised by his love only shocked that he verbalized his feelings. They had lived by unspoken agreement never to speak of their true feelings for one other. She was engaged and these feelings were wrong. He broke their agreement without permission. Why did he have to change things? Why did anything have to change? He made her life tolerable. More than tolerable he was her one pure bit of happiness. She didn't want to lose her best friend and she didn't want to lose the dream of him. But those kisses! How could she survive it?

She had no idea how long she was standing there in her satiny evening gown but she knew he was there without turning around. She knew he was there before she felt his dark sweater wrap around her chilled body. He kept his hands on her shoulders as if to steady them both. She knew he was there before he spoke.

Seeing her standing there with her head down like she just lost her best friend, he felt his heart break yet again. How could he have put his feelings before hers? He felt like such a selfish bastard. He knew he shouldn't have told her how he felt. He was an idiot. It felt good for him to finally say the words though and to have heard what his heart was always screaming but it wasn't fair to her. He felt like he broke her. He was used to this feeling, but he felt like by saying those words to her, he broke them. He cleared his throat and removed his hands from her shoulders. "Are you okay?" He asked in a voice soft and full of love for her.

She couldn't really speak to him so she just nodded.

"You must be exhausted. Let me take you home." He didn't wait for her to nod he just guided her towards the door. Even his gentle touch on her elbow seemed to be too much. She moved away from him. He tried not to feel the sting of rejection but it was what he had coming. They quickly crossed the parking lot to his car. Both breathed a sigh of relief that they didn't bump into anyone. Neither wanted to see anyone because neither had their masks in place. Neither wanted someone to see the true nature of things.

The ride was made in silence. What could be said? Other than everything so nothing could be said. He listened to her uneasy inhales and exhales. He breathed as deeply as he could to take her in. She had a unique smell that always intrigued him. It wasn't perfume or soap. It was her. She was a mix of flowers, fresh air and life. He wished he could bottle that smell so he could pretend never to be without her.

They arrived at her house. The house she shared with Roy. He quickly got out to open, the car door for her. If Pam's world hadn't just imploded she might have smiled at his gentlemanly behavior. He watched as she turned herself carefully due to her dress and stood up next to his car without taking his hand he held out to help her. Her eyes didn't meet his but he knew they were glistening with unshed tears. How he wanted to kiss away those tears and worries but he knew it wasn't his place to do so. He shut the car door and walked with her to the front door. He couldn't help but notice Roy's truck was not there. Roy left casino night because he was so tired. Yeah, too tired to stay with his fiancée but not too tired to go out to the bar. He needed to stop. He couldn't go there.

At the door, she inserted the key in the lock and opened the door. Her eyes raised only up to his lips not his eyes. She couldn't stand to look into his eyes. She knew she would find his love for her and the hurt she caused him tonight. No, it was best for her not to look all the way up. She couldn't even look at him. He couldn't believe one could feel such pain and still be alive. They stood there in a very loud silence for an undetermined amount of time. A minute, an hour, a lifetime neither knew. It didn't matter. They didn't want to be where they were but neither wanted to be anyway else.

She looked so beautiful and so sad. She had his sweater draped around her body like a shield. His sweater was a shield to protect her against the cold, against what he broke and against him. He struggled for words that didn't begin and end with "I love you". He finally settled for concern for her well being and reassurance. "You need to get some sleep. We can talk tomorrow." He wanted to hug her and kiss her but he knew that was impossible. She slowly turned without looking up and went into the darkness of her house and shut the door behind her. He stood there a moment and then with a sigh he took himself home.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

He was the first one in the office. Jim put his bag down on his desk then put his lunch in the refrigerator. Worship the ritual, today is just a normal day like any other day. Yup. He could go through the motions of living and of everything being normal. He could do this because he was well versed in hiding his true feelings and needs. His mask was firmly in place. He hadn't slept last night. He just stared at the ceiling seeing her heart break over and over again. If he closed his eyes he was instantly reliving the kisses, the completeness, her fire, and his desires so his eyes popped out to prevent that mental movie from playing.

He looked over at the reception desk. It was 8:37 and she wasn't in yet. Jim hoped that may be in light of what happened she would come in early so they could talk. Not that he believed anything would be resolved but at least they could start to unravel this tangle of knots. He did some mindless work things until 9:04. She still wasn't there to answer the phones and now she was late. Michael strolled in with a smile and went into his office.

This was crazy! It is 9:18. Where is she? By 9:45 Ryan was seated behind the Pam's desk. Jim wanted to scream at the realization that she was just not coming in. She was home hiding. They needed to talk and she was hiding. The day slowly ticked by. He was tempted to call her at lunchtime but he knew she wouldn't answer. Jim was so frustrated he actually did work. He sold more paper in that afternoon then he sold in the past 6 weeks. He was looking at a nice commission but he would have instantly traded it with a quick conversation with Pam. He checked his email again. He found nothing in his email from her. Argh! He was facing a whole weekend of torture. Well, he bought it on himself.

At exactly, 4:58 he shut down his computer for the weekend. He gathered his belongings and placed them in his bag at 4:59. At 5:00, he walked out the door and to his car. He should have gone out with his roommate, but he couldn't muster the energy. A night in front of the television sounded like all he could tolerate. He changed out of his work clothes and got into some sweats and a t-shirt. Jim was the king of channel surfing but even that seemed to take too much effort. He put on a movie channel and waited for the next one to start. Sometimes, he really felt like fate was slapping him in the face. Her favorite movie was on. He closed his eyes and shook his head. He started laughing. It was funny really. He couldn't have her so he would watch her favorite movies. He would wrap himself in all things Pam. If he didn't laugh he would most certainly cry. Pam was the only thing that had made him cry since he was four. He had fallen off his bike, skinned his knees raw to the point of needed 5 stitches. That was nothing compared to this pain. He continued laughing until tears rolled down his face. His life sucked big time. All he could do was laugh at the wicked pain.

Jim spent the entire weekend sitting on his sofa just watching TV. His roommate was a bit concerned about him. His roommate could only guess what was wrong but Mark was almost positive a certain girl Jim worked with had to be involved. Mark had tried setting his friend up over and over. Even Mark's girlfriend had tried but it never worked out. He was pretty sure Jim was relieved when they stopped trying to push women on him. Mark watched Jim with this Pam when Jim had the party where he invited the office people over. Jim's eyes followed Pam where ever she went. When she often turned to look for him Jim would look elsewhere. It was like watching junior high schoolers in love.

Mark was planning to spend the weekend at his girlfriend's place but he wanted to check on Jim. Jim hadn't done more than grunted at him and only then when he had to response. Mark sat down next to Jim. His friend didn't even acknowledge him. Jim was looking in the direction of the TV but was definitely some place else. Mark needed to shake him and repeat himself twice. "Dude. Dude! What's the deal?"

Finally Jim looked at his roommate a bit annoyed. "What"

"What the hell are you doing?" Mark asked getting bitchy right back.

"What does it look like, man? I'm just sitting here living the dream. I am watching TV, okay?" Jim was a bit frustrated having his Pam revelry broken.

"You are going out?" Mark dialed it back and let his concern show. When Jim shook his head no, "Dude, you got let this go."

Jim did not like where this was heading. "Let what go?" _Playing dumb might help_. Sighing. _Or it might not_. Looking up at Mark he knew he wasn't buying it.

"Look we both know why are you sitting here like a 14yr old girl pining away your weekend. Do you think Pam is pining her weekend away?" Mark asked but also answered with his tone doubting she was.

Jim knew Mark didn't understand. No one would understand. Hell, he didn't even understand. That's why he never shared it with anyone. His self disgust was all his self esteem could handle. He couldn't believe he had let things get this far out of whack. It was twisted and fucked up to love Pam the way he did. He couldn't deny it because it was written all over his face. How he wished he never gave voice to his feelings. At least they seemed more manageable only bubbling up but not out of control.

This wasn't the first time Mark had catch Jim wallowing. There were countless times but usually not to this extent. Most recently the weekend after the booze cruise. Jim tried to convince Mark it was about breaking up with Katy that had got to him but Mark knew Pam's wedding date was the reason. Jim let that slip out when he was relying the ugly breakup details to show why he was miserable. Mark latched onto it and wouldn't let go. He got lectured about letting a great girl like Katy go for someone he could never have. Mark just didn't get it.

Mark knew he wasn't going to make any progress so he was going to drop it with a word of advice. "She's getting married. You have to put it in perspective and move on. I will have my cell on if you need me."

Jim didn't appreciate the advice one little bit but he knew his friend was trying to help. Mark was a good friend, one of his few real friends. "Thanks man. Say hi to your woman for me." Mark nodded and left. His words remained. _Pam is getting married. Pam is getting married. There is nothing I can do to prevent that. Nothing_. The black cloud over his head just got a bit darker.

Fifty two hours until work on Monday. How was he going to make it? He lay down on the sofa and stared at the movie. At some point, he fell asleep and slept for a good portion of the weekend. He was catch in his dream cycle of Pam but this time instead of ending up in his bed, it now ended with her tears. Monday at 2:30a, he realized there would be no sleep for him this night. He almost survived the weekend. He sincerely hoped Pam would be at the office in six and a half hours. He needed to see her. Again, he reminded himself nothing would be resolved but at least he could be near her. _Jesus, this was insane. How did he get so pathetic?_ Argh!

Jim wondered how Pam's weekend was. He missed her but wanted her to be happy so he hoped it was nice. _Did she and Roy make love? Not that happy! Damn, that was a thought he always tried to avoid. Roy thrusting inside of her body to gain the satisfaction he longed for continually. May be after the casino night, when Roy finally came home from the bar, she made love to her fiancée until dawn? Was that why she didn't bother to come in to talk to him? _Hurtful paranoid thoughts danced in his head about Pam on a regular basis. _She didn't come in because she was just too tired to come to work after all the sex she had with Roy? After Roy came inside her did he make sure she was satisfied? Why should he care? Was she satisfied with Roy? Did he want her to be happy even if it caused his misery? _

Jim realized how twisted he was getting but his thoughts were spinning out of control. _How could she sleep next to Roy every night when she should be in his bed loving him? How could she open her legs for Roy and allow Roy to have her? Did she ever think about him? Did she ever wonder what it was like to have him make love to her? He would make sure she came over and over because that's what she deserved. But how could she kiss Roy with the same lips she kissed him with? Jim felt truly sick to his stomach. _

The calm cool reasoning that never seemed to help came next._ Roy was her fiancé. Of course, Pam had sex with Roy. _It was foolish that he always tried to keep Pam pure in his thoughts. Of course, there were times when his thoughts of her were not so pure. Usually after Pam made an appearance in his dream, his thoughts were downright dirty and he would play out the dream to its nature climax. It wasn't right but he couldn't seem to help himself. It was all he ever would have of her until that kiss. But he hated the idea of his Pam being sullied by the likes of Roy. These thoughts plagued him. _How could she make love to Roy and not him? The answer hurt like hell, because Pam was in love with Roy, not him. _

His heart screamed in denial. He couldn't believe what he felt from her when she kissed him wasn't love. It was. _She loved him, the way he loved her_. A part of his mind knew that his Pam loved him and her kisses confirmed it. But he couldn't even hope that she loved him because there were ramifications she was not ready for that would accompany that hope. _Besides, if she loved him how could she possibly remain with Roy? How could she let Roy touch her? And she, of course let Roy touch her and the bitch probably enjoyed it. _

Now there's a painful thought. _Pam calling out Roy's as she is orgasming_._ Arghh! _It was only barely tolerable when he was also touching someone else. It almost evened the score somehow. As much as he hated to admit it, he couldn't love these other women he dated. He tried to fall in love with them. He did! He had sex with them and even tried to be a considerate lover but he never made love to any one of them. He tried, but they were not Pam. They were nova cane. After he had sex with them, he felt as if he betrayed Pam. Crazy, but he did. They weren't Pam and he couldn't love them but he still had sex with them until he couldn't stand it any longer. It helped numb these types of thoughts... This was so screwed up! He knew it was terrible of him but he was glad that it bothered Pam when he was dating someone.

Looking at the clock, it was still early but at least he could start getting ready for work. Good God, he hoped she was there. He was worried about her. Loving her really sucked most of the times but her smile...


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Pam had almost spent 72 hours in bed. She had changed into a t-shirt and sweats when she got home dropping her dress to the floor where it stayed all weekend. She was chilled to the bone and kept Jim's sweater wrapped around her the entire time. Roy had come in 2 hours after she arrived home. He had lied to her when he told her he was tired because he been at the bar. He smelled of cheap beer and smoke. He stumbled into bed and reached for her. Did he really expect her to have sex with him? She couldn't imagine ever touching him again. The thought of him inside of her never set her heart racing but now it was a complete turn off. She pushed Roy away and luckily he fell asleep soon after. Her world was crashing down on her. She didn't know what to do. Pam tried to think of what to do but was at a loss.

Her first night wide awake was spent in trying to think of what to say to Jim. He was her best friend. He loved her. He kissed her. She was engaged. That is as far as she could get. She looked at the clock and woke Roy up for work. She knew she should get herself together but she just couldn't do it. How could she? Her world had collapsed and she didn't know where to go or who to be. After Roy's shower, he came back into the bedroom. "Why aren't you dressed?"

She didn't want to talk but had to say something. "I don't feel well." Her voice was strained and dry so she sounded sick.

Roy looked concerned and felt her forehead. "Well, you don't have a fever." He stated the oblivious.

Pam shrugged as if to say what do you want from me? She settled for just repeating herself. "I don't feel well."

He nodded. "I will tell Michael."

She half smiled at him. "Thanks" With those nine words all of her energy was gone and she slumped back into bed. As she heard the door lock behind Roy, she hugged Jim's sweater around herself. She felt a bit guilty for being such a chicken but she couldn't face Jim.

_She could hardly believe herself how she acted with him. She was an engaged woman but all she wanted last night was to be with another man. She wanted to be with Jim. She knew she shouldn't but she loved him with her whole heart. What the hell was wrong with her? She was engaged to Roy and the date was set. She couldn't deny she wanted to make love to Jim. She had never felt so wanton before in her life. Last night, she really thought she would die if Jim didn't take her right there on his desk. But it was more than lust which is why it broke her heart into a million pieces. She wanted him to push her back onto the desk, pull up her dress and thrust into her. Oh yes she wanted Jim beyond all reason. She wanted Jim to have her as his own if only for that one time. She really should think of something else. Having been pressed up against him, she could envision his size and it made her blush. She wanted all of him up inside of her as he kissed her breasts. Her body instantly prepared itself for such a pleasurable intrusion. God, she should be ashamed. She was laying here in Roy's bed fantasizing about her best friend. _

_As shameful as it was this isn't the first time she has had unclean thoughts about Jim. If the truth be told and it probably shouldn't a number of times, too many to count Jim has played starring roles in her head. She has spent quality alone time pondering the possibilities of Jim with very satisfactory results. She would imagine how he kissed. How he might taste. How he hands would feel on her body. She knew without a doubt he would be a loving and considerate lover. Pam hated every one of his girlfriends because even though there weren't many of them she knew they were getting what she could never have. She hated when he was dating someone and he came in from his weekend happy. She knew when he had sex because even though he was happy there was a bit of guilt in his eyes and he couldn't look her in the eyes for a while. In reality, there was no reason he should feel guilty but she couldn't help if that gave her a bit of pleasure. It needled her to think he could be with someone other than her. Although she knew that was crazy since she had Roy. She made sure on those days to kiss Roy in front of Jim. It was wrong to try to punish a guy for just trying to find some happiness, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. She was awful! _

But now she had experienced some of her fantasy in real life. How could she face him? How could she look at him and not need more? It was wrong terribly wrong so until she could get a grip on herself she needed a place to hide. So here in her bed, in Jim's sweater was the safest place to be. She put her face down into the sweater and breathed in his scent. Her insides went liquid. _Oh. Dear. _Pam loved his smell. She felt herself tighten. She could easily imagine Jim inside her_. Oh, why was that? She should put an ending to this but she couldn't stop thinking about the truck not honking its damned horn. She couldn't help it if her fingers slid into her sweats. Pam knew she could never have him in reality so why not fantasy? Yes, why not? She deserved it. This was always how the justification started. It always continued with the fact that Roy was not exactly the greatest in bed. Occasionally she would get lucky and her timing would be right for her to enjoy sex but for the most part it was over before she was even on simmer. Roy would be asleep in seconds. She was in the habit of needing to have her fingers do the walking on most occasions. For quite a while now, she would mentally invite Jim into her bed and he would finish her with his lovely long fingers. Jim was always there for her, filling her with happiness and love. So what if in her fantasy, he was filling her literally. _

She had been so close to boiling over last night that it took her almost no time to bring herself to the edge of sanity_. Feeling Jim's weight on her as he entered her made her blind with pleasure. The thought of Jim thrusting inside her, sliding in and out of her was too much for her to handle... _One, Two, Three, put her right over the top_. Jim! Oh Jim! Yes! Oh! _She groaned out into the empty room as waves of pleasure shook her body. She put her face into the sweater and inhaled him. Before she even righted her sweats, she was crying so hard she felt she would never stop.

_How could she be such a bad person? She was engaged. She loved Jim. No, I love Roy. I should love Roy. I just got off on thinking about my best friend. What kind of sick person does that? Why don't I love Roy? _Tears were streaming down her face. _She couldn't love Roy because he isn't Jim. Why isn't Roy more like Jim? Because no one is like Jim. Jim is...Jim._ It was early afternoon when she woke up. She must have cried herself to sleep. She wanted to talk to Jim. She needed to see him but what could she say?

The clock slowly ticked by every minute of every hour until it was late Sunday night. Roy stayed away from her because she said she was sick. He jokily approached her for some loving a couple of times and she refused him because she didn't want to make him sick. The truth was she couldn't imagine allowing Roy to touch her since Jim had kissed her. That was a real problem. She was most relieved when he went to the bar so she could be alone with her thoughts. Pam was glad when Roy took to his old habit of sleeping on their couch. She didn't want to sleep next to him. Pam just wanted to lay wrapped in Jim's sweater and try to clear her head. Good Lord, what a mess!

She got to work at a quarter to nine on Monday. She had no idea what she would say to Jim today but she needed to be here. She was nervous, so she picked up the littered candy wrappers left by who ever were on the phones replacing her on Friday. She recognized the candy wraps. It must have been Ryan. Straightening up took all of three minutes. FreeCell always helped to calm her down when life was crazy so she tried to play a game of that. Although try as she might she couldn't concentrate. It was 8:55. Everyone else seemed to be filing in making inane comments about their weekends but no Jim. Argghhh! How could he do this to her? By 9:16 she knew what he must have experienced on Friday. She should have come in on Friday. His day must have been horrible. By 9:24 she was wondering if he were coming in at all. It would serve her right for hiding. At 9:26 Michael was yammering and she was sure it was to Jim. Yup. They walked off the elevator and right past her. Jim blinked as he saw her. God, she looked so beautiful. He mouthed "Hey" then quickly turned back to response to what Michael was asking.

Funny, the one day Michael decides it is time to work is the worse day ever. Pam notices Jim doesn't look that good. He looks exhausted and upset but he is struggling to appear normal. He seems almost openly frustrated with Michael who is holding him captive in his office. Jim sits so he can see Pam out of the corner of his eye as Michael blathers on and on. Pam catches Jim looking at her. She blushes and quickly looks away.

Jim can't believe Michael can't shut the hell up. Apparently, the sales he landed on Friday, impressed the hell out of corporate. He knowingly landed some very big accounts the DM couldn't attract prior to Jim's calls. Now his reward was being talked to by Michael on strategies for the future until he felt his brain was going to bleed out his ears. No good deed goes unpunished! Michael seemed to tail him everywhere. He couldn't get a moment alone with Pam to save his life and right now it was the only thing that might. Pam looked beautiful as always but she had dark circles under her eyes. She might not have had the best weekend in history either.

He wanted to talk to her but just as he made it to her jellybean jar; Michael appeared to drag him into his office yet again. With a roll of his eyes, Jim followed Michael back into his personal hell.

So went the day. They were able to exchange looks but not actually words beyond "Hey" and "Bye". It was so frustrating! Pam wanted to pull her hair out. There was nothing to be done as Roy picked her up at 5:00 sharp.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Another evening of torment was in store for Jim. But really there was no reason for it. For Jim this was life as usual. Nothing changed at work. It was oblivious she was still with Roy when he picked her up at 5:00. Not that Jim expected her to dump Roy but he sure as hell had wanted her too. He did notice she turned her head when Roy tried to kiss her lips. He was probably reading too much into it but it made him a tiny bit happy.

Pam went home and made a quick dinner. She didn't argue when Roy went to the bar as it was a welcomed relief. She slipped Jim's sweater back on and went to bed. She couldn't sleep but at least she didn't have to pretend her life was intact. She hated pretending. She was so tired of it but she was used to it. People expected it of her. She laid there and watched "Only You". It was a sappy love story about fate. She couldn't muster up the energy to change the channel or even to mock it. There were scenes that screamed Jim to her. When Robert Downey, Jr. is helping the woman he loves dress for a date with another man, Pam just sobbed. It was too close to her reality. Jim took care of all of her needs then she went on home to Roy. She took from Jim but never really gave anything back. She was a lousy friend and a terrible person. She continued to cry softly throughout the movie. Pam was trying to control her thoughts and the more she did the less success she had. She was so happy when the actress came to her senses and chased down Robert Downey's plane to profess her love. She lost it again. That could never be her life. She wasn't the type that stopped planes. She was marrying Roy. Damn the movies for setting such unreasonable expectations. Her heart broke all over again.

The morning was gray and cloudy. It was raining. That was just fine with Jim. It matched his mood. He really needed to talk to Pam. The rain began to come down in sheets. He needed to discuss his possible transfer to Stamford. He needed to know, without a doubt where they stood. He parked his car. Jim pulled up his hood and dashed into the building. Roy pulled up with Pam in his overcompensating vehicle. It was still to pouring outside. But instead of pulling up to the door to drop Pam off, Roy parked his monster truck taking up two spots in an opening closest to the warehouse. The spot was a distance from the building. Pam didn't look happy and made a run for it. She had no umbrella. She had no hood. Jim felt real hatred towards Roy. He was such an inconsiderate clout. _How could she stay with Roy_? Poor Pam was drenched when she reached the front door.

Jim swung open the door for her. Pam flew in out of the rain dripping wet. Jim apologized. "Sorry I didn't have an umbrella with me."

Pam shrugged and tried to shake off some of the wet. "That's okay." She must have looked like a drowned rat. She was soaking wet. She was sure her mascara wasn't water proof. Jim was staring at her. She self consciously tried to right herself. "Geez, I must be a sight."

"You are. You really are." He tried to look away but just couldn't. Her hair was dripping wet as if she had just stepped out of the shower. Her mascara was smudged a little giving her a very sexy look. Her blouse was a bit damp and clung to her breasts. He could see that she was chilled because her nipples were hardened. His breath caught and his heart tighten. In a soft but dry voice, Jim could tell he was making her a bit uncomfortable so he stopped himself. He needed to speak with her. "Lunch?"

She nodded and went off to the bathroom to repair the damage. Pam never felt beautiful growing up. She was comfortable being a bit on the plain side. But looking in the mirror she was horrified. She looked heinous. Between her raccoon eyes and plastered hair, she could haunt houses. Blah! The day was not starting off on a good note. She fixed what she could and gave up on the rest.

When she exited the ladies room, Jim's eyes walked her to her desk and stayed on her much longer than he normally allowed himself. Not many people were in yet, just a few in the back so he drank her in. She was so perfect. He knew their conversation wasn't going to go as he hoped. _She would never be his but if she was...It didn't matter she wouldn't, she couldn't, she can't and most of all because she won't_. Pam was staring back at him. Her eyes were wide and she looked scared. _She has no idea what to say to me. _A small sad smile was given to him from across the room. _Why am I doing this to her? Why am I doing this to me? _

The morning dragged on slowly. At 9:30 he got her to giggle at his latest campaign to irritate Dwight. At 10:00 he catches her staring at him. She quickly looked away and then jumped out of her seat. She went causally to the fax machine but had nothing to fax. Jim smiled as she hurried back to her desk to get the pages she needed to send out. Busted! As if it mattered. Both of them were obliviously antsy. By 10:30 their tensions were so high it seemed like they would explode.

He walked over to her desk. "Hey." His voice was soft and as almost caressed the word before it came out of her mouth. "I am kind of hungry now. Mind if we go to lunch early?"

Relief and terror flooded her in equal measure. She wasn't clear on what she should do. Funny, she needed to talk to her best friend about this because he could always make things right. Jim had the ability to help her put her life in perspective. She had decided she would tell him she loved him but didn't know what to do beyond that. That wasn't enough but it was a lot. It was honest and direct.

"Pam?" She just nodded and her eyes pleaded for him to get her out of here. Jim understood her. He took her coat and held it for her. Swallowing deeply as he stood so close to her. He eyed an umbrella he would borrow so she wouldn't get drenched again. He was grabbed his coat just as Michael came flying out of his office.

Michael did not look happy. "So Jim I just talked to Jan." _Oh Shit. It wasn't official yet. He didn't agree._ "She told me about your interview." _No._

He heard the intake of Pam's breath. "What interview?" She quietly demanded.

Jim looked at Pam apologetically for a moment before turning to Michael. "It isn't official yet Michael. I haven't said yes."

Pam repeated her question. "What interview?"

Michael jumped right in and answered for her. "Stamford. Jim is going to be going to Stamford." Pam gasped as if she were stabbed. Jim just stood there with his coat in hand.

Pam simply said. "I am not hungry." She was so shocked she sat back down with her coat on. People noticed. She just sat there stunned. _How could he do this to me? I was going to tell him I love him. He is just going to leave me. _

Michael looked at Jim accusingly. Jim was staring helplessly at Pam. Pam's head was down. A light bulb went off over Michael's head. "Oh. You didn't...She didn't know." Michael shook his head sadly. "Not cool, Jumbo not cool at all." And off he went into his office.

Jim's heart was breaking. It was watching his hope in its final death throes. "Pam?" It was a question of her well being. It was an apology. It was a signal of defeat.

She snapped her head up and looked at him with so much pain. Tears glistening in her eyes ready to trail down her face. _How could he do this to her?_ "I hope you enjoy your new position." Her voice sounded uncontrolled and harsh. She was making a spectacle of herself. She realized her coat was still on. She slipped it off and left it on her chair as she sat there trying to melt into the floor.

He hadn't moved. He didn't know what to say or how to start. She began twisting her engagement ring. _What could he say she was engaged?_ This is it. She just ended what never started. It's over. He briefly bites his lip and shut his eyes for a moment. He nodded as if he were pulling himself together and simply said "Thanks, Pam."

The rest of the office felt the cool draft that swept between the two of them. They had enjoyed watching Pam Pong. Most were routing for Jim. A sad quiet fell over the entire place. They tried not to stare but it was like trying to drag there eyes away from a grisly accident. Jim inhaled deeply and turned to the rest of the office. This caused everyone to become busy doing something else other than watching. Jim shook his head and left.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

It was still raining. When he finally got to his car, he was soaked. He didn't care. May be he would get sick and die. Sounded like a better option then what he needed to do. His hair kept dripping on his cheeks. His face was wet he couldn't tell if it was from the rain or the quiet tears he shed once again for Pam. He figured it didn't matter. He sat in his car and rested his head on the steering wheel. He felt the overwhelming loss of something he never really had. _How many times can your heart break? Isn't there a fucking limit? _Jim needed to take the transfer. He knew that now. There was no other choice. She gave him no other choice. He wouldn't be able to survive watching her marry someone else. He couldn't stand the pity he saw in his co-workers faces. _  
_

He pulled himself together and called Jan. She was happy that he had finally made it official. She told him, he would be a great asset to her team and may be counterbalance Michael who was just an ass. Jim would start right after his vacation at Stamford. There was no way he was going back in there. He called Michael on his cell phone and told him he needed to use one of his many personal days to prepare for the transfer.

Jim made it home and to the safety of his sofa. He didn't move. He was in shock. Mark found him sitting there a few hours later. Mark got him a beer and eyed him carefully. Jim wasn't talking. He did accept the beer and take a swig from the bottle but without looking at Mark. Mark ordered some pizza. Jim didn't eat but he did take another beer. Mark cancelled his date and hung out with a very quiet Jim. A Jim who usually never has more than 2 beers was on his 6th. When he was going for his 7th, Jim swayed a little bit. Mark knew it was time to talk.

Mark simply asked, "So, what's new?"

Jim started laughing. "Nothing man. Nothing at all is freaking new. It is all the same. All of it! None of it matters. You know?" He wasn't really slurring his words but he was uninhibited with them.

Mark pushed a bit. "So what happen?"

Jim swung his head around to answer. "Just what I expected would happen." Shaking his head, "Go ahead tell me you told me so."

Mark was a bit offended at the accusation but chalked it up to Jim's current state. "You know I would never do that to you. What happen?"

Jim drank and talked. He told the whole sordid little story, sparing Mark none of the gory details. Mark listened and nodded and made no judgments. When Jim was done he said "I guess I got to get a new roommate, huh? But that doesn't let you off the hook for our monthly poker game."

Jim nodded. He spilled his guts and was raw with the pain. He lost her. _You never had her._ It was done. He was here a few more weeks and then a new beginning.

Meanwhile, Pam sat behind her desk. Her heart was crying but she pretended to be fine. She was almost able to convince her co-workers she was not slowly dying inside. She didn't have the luxury of good friends nearby. Later she would call her mom when Roy went to the bar. She would pour some of her guts out but not all of them. After all, she was marrying Roy and telling his soon-to-be mother-in-law that you loved your ex-best friend really didn't work well. Her mother wasn't born yesterday and knew her daughter was leaving good chucks of reality and emotion out of the conversation. She mostly listened and tried to comfort her. Her mom couldn't do much else. Pam was hurt, angry and feeling humiliated. She was glad she talked to her mom but she really needed her best friend. Pam could never have that again. Upon hanging up from her mom, Pam slipped into Jim's sweater, inhaled deeply and cried herself to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The days fell into weeks quite quickly. Pam and Jim didn't speak anymore than necessary. She transferred calls to him when she had to do so and answered his calls when he called in. Pam felt there were no words to be said. His actions spoke clearly to her. He obliviously didn't really love her. How could he? He was leaving her. Jim spoke no words because what could he say that hadn't already been said? Her actions spoke clearly. She obliviously didn't want him, let alone love him.

The whole office seemed to be in mourning over their collective losses. No practical jokes. No banter. Jim didn't even bother Dwight. But most noticeable of all was no Pam Pong. Occasionally, Pam would catch Jim looking at her sadly but then they would both turn away.

It was the Friday the weekend before Pam's wedding. Roy stopped by at the reception area to give Pam a quick kiss on the cheek before leaving for the weekend. He was heading out for his bachelor party. He was meeting his friends at the bar and then they were driving to Atlantic City. Pam thought she should be jealous or worried but all she felt was relieved. Thankfully, she would be alone this weekend. It had taken a lot of convincing but Roy had agreed to no sex until the wedding. She told him she wanted their wedding night to be special. She thought time would help her prepare herself to be a wife to Roy but all she felt was sick to her stomach. It was approaching far too quickly.

Jim's last day was this coming Tuesday. He wanted to pack and prepare for the trip and immediate the move. At least he had something to focus on. He barely slept. He packed. He went to work. He tried not to love Pam. All in all, he was pretty busy.

Pam got home and was looking forward to silence. She needed a place to work on putting Jim in the proper heading: ex-best friend. She wanted to be able to walk down the aisle on Saturday with her world in one piece. She went to open the front door but realized Roy had the house keys. He slipped them off her car key ring when it was serviced last week and apparently didn't bother to return it. Arghh! It just figures. Glancing at her watch, she realized if she hurried she could probably catch them at the bar before they left. Otherwise, she would be locked out.

As she drove over to the bar, she called Roy's cell phone. He doesn't answer. _It figures. Grrrr! _ As she is pulling up, she sees Roy is leaving the bar. She is going to honk the horn and yell to him but is brought up short. He is getting into a car with a very pretty blonde. She wonders where they are going. After a moment, she realizes they aren't going anywhere but the backseat. There is still enough daylight to see the blonde had removed her top and bra. Roy is moving around and then the blonde is straddling him. Pam is blinking. She can barely register what she is seeing. The sluttish little blonde is riding her finance like a cowgirl. _How can this be happening? How can this be? Go! I need to go. I have no where to go! I have no keys! Go! He is doing someone else! _

Pam has no idea how she got there but she found herself parked in front of Jim's house. She is sitting there, numb and confused. _Ten years! Ten years! How could he do this to me? How could he? It must be me! Jim doesn't want me either. Ten years! _In front of Jim's door, the tears begin. She can't help it. She shouldn't be here. She knows that but she has no where else to go. She has no one else to go to.

She knocks as her tears turn into sobs. _She shouldn't be here. Jim probably doesn't want her here. He is leaving her_. Jim opens the door and is shocked to find Pam standing there. His Pam is standing on his doorstep crying uncontrollably. So much for convincing himself he doesn't care. He doesn't know what to do so he does the only thing that feels right. He pulls her into his arms and holds her close as she sobs into his chest. When she quiets a bit, he turns her into his side and shoulder to guide her into his house without letting her go.

His roommate sees who it is and what is happening and has enough brains to grab his wallet and keys out the front door he goes without a word. Jim moves her over to the newly evacuated sofa and seats her on it. His shirt is wet with her tears. Still he is holding her close unwilling to let her go. It feels too good. He needs to hold her probably more than he needs to be held but he doesn't give a damn.

They are just sitting next to each other. Jim's thigh and leg are molded to hers. Her head is on his shoulder absorbing all the strength he so willingly provides. She isn't talking. He doesn't care. She doesn't need to talk. His arm remains around her. She feels safe, protected and may be even a bit loved. Her sobs are now quiet little sniffles. She opens her pocketbook and takes out a tissue. She blows her nose and wipes up the mascara that not doubt has left her lashes. She takes a deep breath. May be the first she has taken in weeks. She takes another. If Jim couldn't see the VCR clock, he wouldn't have known that they have been sitting here like this for over an hour.

She turns her head to look up at him. He gazes down into her beautiful watery eyes and says, "Hey."

Pam gives him a small smile. "Hey." She knows she should move out of his arms but she can't bear to do that. He makes her feel so secure and protected. She can't give that up yet so she tries to tell him why she is here. "I, um...I, a..." She just starts sobbing again. She is crying for all the lost time. Ten years of wasted life and there was no getting them back. They were gone, just like Jim would be by the end of the week. Her heart broke completely. It just shattered. It was could never be repaired. It was just like her relationship with Roy. _She couldn't have possibly married him. Who was she kidding? His cheating was not even the final straw. It was the fact that she couldn't let Roy touch her after Jim kissed her. It almost wasn't Roy's fault. But none of it mattered Jim was still leaving. He obliviously didn't love her enough to stay_. She could never ask him too even if it killed her and it just might.

Jim heart broke a little more as each one of her tears traced down her skin. He wants to kiss them away but he knew that was not what she was looking for especially not from him. She is in his arms seeking his comfort and he would not fail in providing it to her. He held her until this new batch of tears subsided. She blew her nose again and looked up at him apologetically. He hated letting her go but he needed to tend to all her needs for as long as she would let him. Jim hugged her closer for a second before standing up. He picked up the phone and ordered her favorite pizza and asked for her favorite ice cream for dessert to be delivered. He went to the refrigerator and bought back a couple of sodas and a couple of beers. He held out one of each to her until she chose the beer. He quickly set down the coke and opened the beer for her. Jim opened a soda for himself. He needed to stay clear headed. He sat back down clinked her bottle with his can and pulled her back into his body. He held his breath not sure how she would response to him holding her again. Both of them seemed to breathe a sigh of relief as she settled back down comfortably. He reached for the remote and set it next to her. He was happy just to sit there with her.

Their silence was interrupted by the doorbell. Jim got up and paid for the pizza. He set it and the ice cream down on the coffee table and went to the kitchen. He stopped for a moment to look at her on his couch. _Jesus! What was all this about? What did it mean?_ So many questions, so few answers but at least she was here. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. He returned to the living room with TV trays, plates, napkins and spoons. She was done with her beer so he offered her another beer and a can of soda. She chose the beer, once he opened it, she took it with purpose. He opened the soda for himself with shaky hands. _It means nothing that she is sitting on my sofa getting tipsy the weekend before her wedding. We are best friends and she is here for...for what? _His wishful side thought may be she was here for him but reason took over quickly. _Support. She wants her best friend to support her like he should even if it is for the last time._

She had put a piece of pizza on his plate and took one for herself. He sat back down next to her as close as he could. She took a healthy bite of pizza and moaned with pleasure at the taste. "Mmmm, that's so good." Her moan made him want to groan. _That's what she said. Damn! _She really was clueless of how sexy she was. She would be the death of him. Death by over stimulation but what a way to go. Even eating pizza with her was erotic. He had it bad! He pulled his plate into his lap so he wouldn't be so oblivious. He focused on eating and drinking his soda. He stole glances at her as her lips wrapped around her beer bottle and took a long drink. He swallowed hard at the sight. This was instantly followed by an image of her wrapping her lips around him to drink him. _This is not good. Think clean thoughts. _It amazed him how she could torture him so unknowingly.

After her piece, she finished her beer. She held out her empty like a child and said "More please." He hesitated but her eyes begged and it was useless to try to refuse her. He gave her an opened beer and a glass of water. She realized the glass of water was because he didn't want her to get a headache. She giggled. "You are always taking care of me. Thanks Jim." Yup, she was a bit more than tipsy now. Her eyes were a bit glassy and her voice was kind of relaxed in a sing-song way.

When she reached for the remote she knocked it off the arm of the couch. "Opps!" She bent over to get it giving Jim a stunning view of her round bottom. His heart raced. He never saw her in that angle. He literally throbbed in his pants. _Down boy! _"Help!" She shouted and he quickly stopped her from falling over by grabbing her around her waist. In this awkward position, her ass was right in front of his zipper pressing into his erection. More giggles. Then a happy little shout "Got it!" as she straightens up with the remote. She showed him triumphantly. She was proud of her hard fought victory. _Damn it, she is drunk!_ More giggles. Happy wonderful giggles. He loved her laugh, her smile and especially her giggles. They were just so adorable.

She turned and dropped down onto the couch. Pam pointed the remote and hit the button. Nothing happened. Frowning, she hit it again. When the TV failed to obey, she handed him the remote like a sad little girl. "Broken."

He smiled and shook his head. "No, Pam it's not broken." He hit the right button and handed it back to her showing her where the channel button and volume was on it. She channeled surfed quickly. Pam would pause on a channel, laugh at something that wasn't funny and continue on to another channel. After she went through all the channels twice then she pouted. "Nothing is on." It was typical Friday night programming. She drank the rest of her beer and frowned.

Jim remembered that he owned every one of Pam's desert island movies picks plus her very favorite one of all. He opened the DVD drawer and easily found them. He smiled at her as he held out all 6 of them for her. She was amazed because even though she only named 5 in the game and not her absolute favorite it was there awaiting her pleasure. She clapped her hands in pure joy and pulled her favorite. He set it up and handed her the glass of water. She drank it without question. As he sat back down he snagged the ice cream and the spoon. I handed them to her as she handed back the empty water glass. She snuggled into him and practically purred. Jim put his arm around her and held her close to his heart, right where she belonged.

She, with some difficulty of impaired coordination, opened the ice container and spooned some up. Pam surprised him by holding the spoon to my lips. He didn't really want any but there was no way he could refuse her. He opened his mouth and she fed him. His body practically howled at the eroticism of this moment. The entire night was like a fantasy come true. He wanted it never to end. She then took a spoonful herself and "Mmmmm, I love this." escaped her.

She spooned some more up for him and Jim told he did too. "Me, too." Although he was referring to her feeding me from a shared spoon not the taste of the ice cream. After five minutes, she was really having trouble aiming the spoon. She frowned and handed him the spoon. Jim happily took over the responsibility of feeding her. It was a simple loving act but it was turning very sexual. He could barely watch her part her lips, before sliding the spoon into her mouth to leave an icy deposit on her tongue. Then Jim had to endure feeling her swallow with a happy little moan every time. It wasn't until half way through the movie that she was done with the ice cream. I think we were both disappointed. He set the empty container and spoon down. Pam wiggled around a bit then snuggled into him further. Jim reached up and gently tucked her hair behind her ears. He continues tucking her hair until it became petting her face. She seemed to really enjoy this and soon she was softly snoring.

Jim didn't know when the movie ended; he just sat there holding a sleeping Pam half in his lap and half on his chest. Jim knew he was grinning like a fool and he didn't give a damn. He was just in such a happy place. He didn't let in negative thoughts of her wedding or Roy dampens his mood. She was just like a fairy princess...who snored, but it was so cute. He still didn't know why she was here but he still didn't want to lose this moment in time with her. She shifted and breathed hard. _No, don't wake up. Sleep. Stay asleep. Don't get up and leave me. Please, stay asleep._

She stretched over the top of him and smiled in a very catlike fashion. She smiled deeply as she felt him holding her. Then she frowned in confusion and her eyes flew open. Upon seeing him she relaxed into him again and smiled up at him. "Hey."

Jim's smile returns, "Hey." He said it so softly and so gently she could barely hear it. She started to get up. _She is leaving. Damn it, how can I get her to stay?_ Pam was smiling down at him. She looked sleepily and only a little bit tipsy.

"Jim, can I ask you a favor?" She looked down shyly.

He would have given her the world all she needed to do was ask. May be he was a sap but he couldn't help it. "Anything."

"Can I, um, would you, um mind if I well I don't have my..." _I sound like an idiot. Just ask him! Argh! _She finally blurred it out. "Can I stay here tonight?"

She asked so fast he wasn't sure if he heard her correctly. "What? You need a place to stay. Sure. Of course, you can have my bed." _Oh my God! She is going to sleep in my bed. _

She was quick to reassure him. "No, no I don't want to take your bed. That's not fair. I can, um sleep on the couch."

_God no! Even if I am not in it I want you in my bed. You aren't sleeping on the couch. _"Don't be silly. Let me take you upstairs and show you where everything is so you can be comfortable." Jim was trying to wrap his mind around seeing her in his bed. It was almost too much to think about.

He showed her to the upstairs bathroom and gave her a t-shirt and shorts so she could sleep comfortably. It didn't have all that much to do with the fact that he was dying to see her in his clothing. His heart did a flip and raced all at once. He quickly changed his sheets and set out fresh towels for her on the hallway chair. Jim ran downstairs to change and use the bathroom himself. He was coming up the stairs just as she was coming out of the bathroom. She looked unbelievably adorable. It looked like she opted for only the t-shirt. It was a bit baggy but in the hallway light he could see her outline vaguely. Her legs were shapely and bare. Her hair was out of its god forsaken barrette and hung loosely around her face.

He realized he was staring to the point of almost drooling. "So, um okay. Here are clean towels for the morning for you. I changed the sheets. Oh we should get you some aspirin and water to avoid a headache tomorrow." He brush past her to get into the bathroom and felt her nipples harden. He also heard her intake of breath. _Opps! Looks like I am not the only one having some problems here. _He wiped the grin off his face and returned with water and the pills.

"Thanks, Jim." She knew her nipples were showing through the thin t-shirt but she couldn't do anything about it. She took the medicine and returns the glass to the sink. He was standing in the hallway not knowing what to do. _She should remember he is leaving her. She should just sleep on the car. She probably shouldn't be here so near to a bed with all of her thoughts_. "I should really sleep on the couch. You have been so wonderful to me. I can't kick you out of bed."

"Beasley, time for bed. Let me tuck you in." He was trying to lighten the mood. He was trying to figure out a way not to jump her. She stopped debating the matter and allowed him to lead her over to his single extra long dorm style bed. He dramatically pulled back the covers and waved her in. "My Lady, your bed." Pam slid into his bed and put her head on his pillows. She looked up at him with a sweet little smile and her hair fanned out around her. It was hard to believe. He didn't want to move, he just wanted to memorize this moment. Jim tries as he might be able to stop his body from responding to the sight of this amazing woman in his bed.

Jim turned to go. Pam squeaked out a little "No." He stopped at the door and looked at her questioningly. "Tell me a story. Stay and talk to me. Don't leave me alone." _Yet! Please. You are leaving me soon enough._

Jim smiled and came back over to sit on the edge of his bed looking at the woman he loved. Pam looked so happy he was giving her what she wanted. _It could all be so perfect, if only_... "Okay. What kind of story?"

"I don't know" She yawned. "Anything."

"Hmmm, okay. Once upon a time there was a beautiful Princess, who snored..." Jim tried to relax her with his voice so he could let her sleep. He told her a story for about fifteen minutes after her eyes closed. Her breathing was deep. So he was going to hightail it downstairs before he did something that she regretted. There is only so much control a man had and she was pushing his far past reasonable limits.

As he stood up, she grabbed his hand and flipped back the covers. Pam had a surprisingly strong grip as she pulled him towards her. "Stay with me."

His heart raced at triple speed. Jim's voice came out a little harsh. "I can't Pam. You know that." _Are you trying to kill me? How much can I take of you looking gorgeous and adorable. All the while laying in my bed with your huge eyes begging me to join you? _

Pam's eyes pleaded with him. "Please. There might be monsters under you bed." Jim smiled then laughed. He shook his head. How could he not be completely in love with her? This was his Pam. "Please Jim. Please."

"Anything for you." Jim gave up. He was no match against her begging. On top of which, he wanted to be no where else. Right here in this bed, right next to Pam is where he belonged. _Screw, Roy! _It was a harsh reality and a line Jim had never crossed. Right now he didn't care about right and wrong he just knew he would die if he didn't get in this bed with her. _They weren't going to do anything, anyway so there was no problem. No problem at all! _


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Nothing was going to happen. Nothing could happen. One look at Pam told Jim something was going to happen. Getting into bed with her was causing something to happen. He didn't know what it would be only that he had to follow where she was unknowingly leading them.

It was silly, how happy it made her that Jim would sleep next to her. Pam moved over against the wall to give him room. In the moonlight that filtered through his blinds, he could see she was beaming up at him. His heart skipped a beat, as he hesitated a moment to savor this magical space in time. He could almost trick himself into believing that she wanted more than friendship with him. Her words rang in his head stopping him. "I can't" and "misinterpreted the relationship" doesn't mean I want you, no matter how you try to twist it. Misinterpreted things don't do it again! She doesn't want you that way so suck it up! He needed to get a grip. With a deep breath, Jim moved in next to Pam she tucked him in. Regardless, of how crazy sexy this situation was to his mind, he was touched by her tenderness. It was one of the many reasons why he loved her. How could he not love her?

He lay next to her stiff as a board in more ways than one. He could actually feel his heart beat throb in various body parts. Once Jim was next to her in bed, she became shy and worried with the situation. Jim smiled to himself as he watched her bite her lip. She bit off more than she could chew. This is so Pam. All he could do was try to make her more comfortable. Of course, he could have just left the bed but it was pretty much too late for that. There was no way he was leaving unless she asked him too.

Jim played the gentleman yet again. "This is a small bed. Let me see if I can make us more comfortable." He slid his arm under her head and she naturally turned into him. Her bottom only clad in panties must have touched the cold wall because she quickly thrust herself into his hip. He stifled a surprised groan. Then just as quickly Pam eased back away from him. Oh God. Stay calm. He smiled knowingly and reached over pulling the blanket between her butt and the cold wall. She was probably blushing adorably in the darkness. Pam put her leg over his as she rolled further into his shoulder.

Pam giggled at herself. "This is just like a sleepover."

Jim shook his head at her innocence. "Yeah, just like a sleepover, Beasley. Night." A little of the exasperation he felt crept into his voice. She must really be tipsy to think this was like a sleepover. She was killing him and she apparently didn't even know it.

She whispered into his chest, "Night, Jim. And thank you."

Her thoughts were racing_. He smells so good. Jim always smells great but now I am really inhaling him. How am I ever going to be able to sleep without raping him? Friends don't rape friends. I have never been this turned on. Stop he is your best friend! My best friend, who is turning me on more than anyone ever has in my entire life. I wonder if he knows. Oh god, I hope he doesn't know. What if he can tell? His thighs are so muscular. Oh why did I wrap my leg over his? What am I a masochist? Why would I put his thigh between my legs? How am I supposed to go to sleep? I love being held by him. It feels so good and so sexy. Get a grip girl! He is only holding you because you begged him to stay and he feels sorry for you. This is no big deal. He is just being a friend! I am in Jim's bed! I am in Jim's bed...to sleep. Sleep? How am I going to sleep? He obliviously isn't having any issues. I am such an idiot!_

Jim was wondering if a guy could really pass out from lack of blood to his brain. Her knee was so close to where it shouldn't be. Jim could feel the heat from between her legs on his thigh and he just wanted to bury himself in her heat. Her breath gently tickled his neck as she curled her hand on his chest right over his heart. Her breasts were crushed up against his side with only a thin t-shirt as a barrier between them_. She must have taken off her bra to sleep. She has no bra on. Pam is in my bed braless with panties and my t-shirt on. God, just kill me! To have Pam holding him, clothed this way was making him dizzy with pleasure. Those were silk panties to be exact._ He knew they were silk because he could felt the heated material on his thigh. _I wonder if her silk panties are white or pink. Oh how did I get myself here? I am an idiot. Focus on sleep. Right_! He couldn't stop himself from gently caressed her back over the sheet and was rewarded by a soft purr of contentment. He smiled. He was in heaven and hell all at the same time.

At some point, the drain of all this sexual tension took them and they both fell asleep in each others arms. It was the best sleepless night either of them had. Jim woke up with Pam trying to sneak out of bed. He kept his eyes closed wondering what he should do. He wanted her to stay. What could he say to keep her in bed? He smiled when he heard the shower. May be he could get her to stay through breakfast? He hurried downstairs to take a two minutes shower and he shaved at the sink with the door opened so he could catch her if she tried to leave. He beat her and was back in bed when she re-entered his bedroom. Jim was glad to see she not dressed but was back in his borrowed t-shirt and something made him close his eyes.

She tiptoed over the bed and stood near the bed for a bit just watching him "sleep". He looks like a beautiful prince. His sweetness and kindness are written all over his face. How could I not love him? Jim peeked open one eye and flipped back the cover as an invitation. Pam grinned as she slipped back into bed.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
She nestled back into his shoulder as his arm naturally wrapped around her. "I thought you were asleep."

"Well, you were wrong." Jim teased her. Pam curled her leg up on his thigh again. His breathe caught as his eyes slammed shut. Even wide awake Pam wasn't aware of how she affected him. "Did you sleep, okay? How's your head?"

He sounded funny so she peered up at him. "Head's fine. Thank you for the water last night. And yeah, surprising enough I slept. You are very cozy." His heart raced as her breath kissed his neck as her head rested on his shoulder. "It was probably the best night sleep I had in a long time." It was amazing to be held in your arms.

Her admission made his heart race with foolish hope. Joke it off, Jim. She is just your best friend. Joke it off. "Ms. Beasley, are you saying you enjoyed sleeping with me?" He was making a poor attempt at humor. As soon as he said it he was afraid she would take it the wrong way.

Luck was on his side. Pam giggled. "Oh I definitely. The bathroom walls are true. You are quite wonderful to bed." God, I know you would be. I wish I could find out for sure. As if to demonstrate her point, she cuddled into him by wiggling closer. Damn, what am I doing? She placed her lips on his throat and gave him the slightest of kisses. _Best friends don't kiss best friends on the neck_. One could even question if it was a kiss. _Just one kiss. I am right here and he is right here and well, just one little kiss couldn't harm anything. He may not even notice it_. But soon he felt more butterfly kisses moving down his neck. She had only planned on giving him one small kiss, but it turned out a second followed. _What am I doing? I need to stop. This isn't funny anymore_. A third kiss was close behind that thought and then well she was lost in the pleasure of kissing his neck softly.

His control was snapping. _What the hell is she doing? Best Friend, she's my best friend. MMMMM, she's my best friend whom I am going to make love to if she doesn't stop? My best friend! Oh god._ "MMMMM, Pam what are you doing?" _Was that her tongue? Oh God, I am going to die! She was tracing her tongue down his neck following the path of her kisses_. Pam giggled in her adorable way and continued to torture him. _Just shut up and go with it_. "Pam, what are you doing? I mean it feels...but are you feeling alright?" More giggles followed. He knew she was thinking: Why don't I feel alright? She certainly did. _She felt way too righ_t. "Are you, mmmmm, trying to kill me?" He was panting a bit. Pam giggled some more and kissed his neck some more. Her giggle was like the sweetest song he ever heard. She pulled the neck of his t-shirt down to continue her kissing party further down on his chest. Her teeth scraped over his skin as they followed the path of kisses_. Oh yes. More Pam, more. Oh yeah right there. Use your teeth._ Jim made one last attempt to ensure Pam was aware of what she was doing. "We are crossing a line, Pam. You know that, right?"

She looked up at him and nodded. There were no traces of last night's alcohol in her eyes; he only found sexy playful lust, want and need there. Groaning, he pushed his fingers through his hair to gain some calmness. He knew this was wrong. He had always done the right thing but he couldn't possibly be expected to not have what he desired most in the world. She was giggling and kissing him, how could he not succumb to that sort of temptation. He wasn't a saint. Granted she was getting married to someone else and he was leaving but he had to have her just once. He loved her too much not to have her ever.

Pam swung her leg over him and was on top of him. Jim was so turned on he thought he saw stars as she moved against him. _Oh god yes. He could die a happy man. Oh I am going to embarrass myself all over her. NO! _Jim refused to let this end badly. He grabbed her wrists and locked his thighs around her and quickly flipped so he was on top of her. This caused her eyes to sparkle with desire as a soft moan escaped her lips. _Ahhh, so little Pam likes being controlled. He could certainly do that_. He pulled her hands above her head. He read her right because she just about swooned as she was arching her back to press herself against him tighter as she groaned louder. Her body was screaming at him to take her. He kissed her lips softly and then claimed her mouth.

It surprised him to realize, she was incredibly turned on. She appeared to be a woman in great need of him. It looked like the innocence he projected onto her was of his own making. _Roy probably enjoyed her as a little spit fire in bed. Stop! That thought had no place in this time_. Not when she was in his bed. For this moment in time, she was his. However, he did need to get control of the situation because if he didn't it was going to end way too quickly. He wanted her experience with him to be one of pleasure not disappointment. They had both waited far too long to have it ruined.

He looked down at the sexy creature in his bed and told her, "Keep your hands here, Pam." He continued to kiss her as he worked down her body. Jim left her t-shirt in place because seeing her naked would have taken his control.

"Jim, where are you going?" She questioned him as he slid down her body towards the end of his bed. Pam moaned as she felt him suck her nipple through the t-shirt. She arched up, begging him to take what she offered him.

He looked up at her and smiled. He took her legs and pulled her towards him. Then he bent her lovely legs on his shoulders which put him directly in front of her at thigh level. He slowly dipped his head between her legs and looked up at her. "Same place as you, heaven."

Realization of what his plans were shocked and excited her. "Jim, you don't have to do that." Pam wiggled around to try to stop him. "Really, it's..." She stopped with a grasp mid-sentence as she felt his tongue on her panties.

He would guess that this wasn't something Roy did not do to her often, if ever. "Sorry, Pam." His long tongue licked her once through her silk pink panties. "I do have to do this." Another lick from him and Pam gave him another moan of pure desire.

"You really don't have to do this." Pam wanted to assure Jim, he didn't have to go to such lengths to please her. He watched her excitement as he slid her panties off and tossed them aside. He gave her a nice long lick. Jim loved her reaction but not more than her taste.

"Yes, actually I do. I will die if I don't taste you. I have to. Don't you want me to? Please Pam let me." Pam could only nod her agreement and moan with excited need. Jim realized, he was rambling so he stopped talking but his tongue didn't stop moving until Pam cried out his name.

"Jim! Yes! Jim! More Jim! Ohhhhhh! Jim!" She practically shouted with relief as she came completely. Her voice was harsh. Her body was still trembling with pleasure. Jim stayed where he was until he had given all the love he could.

When Jim made his way up the bed, Pam looked so content and happy. It truly was a heavenly gift to be able to make her so happy. It was one he probably didn't deserve but he was so glad that hadn't mattered. Even if they went no further he would be satisfied. She called out his name when she orgasmed.

He started to cuddle her when she slipped out of his grasp. No, don't leave yet please let me hold you. He really didn't have much time to think because Pam had him on his back and it looked like she had plans to return the favor. Jim tried to pull her back up so he could hold while she relaxed. "Pam, it's okay. You don't have to do that."

Pam giggled. She was just so happy. "Trust me, that's what I said too. And I am soooo glad you didn't listen to me! Now it's my turn to do what I want to do."

Jim surrendered and couldn't fight something that he needed so badly. Not only did he need the release, but he needed to feel her taking care of his needs. He wanted some proof that she cared about him, if only just a little. The build up would not take long since their foreplay seemed to take years.

He was sure he must have blushed as she pulled off his shorts. He was almost positive, she actually said "Wow!" But that was all she said because her mouth was busy in other ways. He now felt luckier than last night's beer bottles. Her lips, mouth and tongue were simply amazing. He had no time to enjoy them because as soon as her head began to move, it was all over. Jim had looked down and saw Pam looking up at him with her big eyes. That was it.

"Yeah Pam. Oh. Ohhhhh!" He couldn't stop himself. He let her take everything he had and she seemed so happy to take it. Nothing had felt that good before. She licked him a bit then licked her lips and shivered as she swallowed him. Watching her was so incredibly sexy; he was ready to go again. But that could wait because Pam was coming up to cuddle him.

Pam curled up around him. He looked at her and she was licking her lips like she really enjoyed the taste of him. She pulled the covers up over them and kissed his cheek. She whispered, "Thank you, Jim. I never knew..." She stopped talking and just snuggled up. She was sweet and beautiful and loving and she was thanking him. He was so choked up by his love for her no words came out of his mouth. He just held her close and tried not to think about the future.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
They must have drifted off to sleep entwined as they were. He woke up first to the feeling of being very happy and then he remembered why the reason. Jim was holding the woman he adored close to him. All was perfect in this one moment. Then he mind started working. We didn't have sex by Clinton's definition but we did... what exactly did they do? And why was she here? Where was Roy? Was she getting married? Why was she crying last night? It was as if his mind shouting silent questions woke her up.

She was smiling before she opened her eyes. Pam felt so good, she was loathed to move. May be she could just stay right here and never leave the safety of his arms. Jim cuddled her right back until she was purring.

"Hey." He said when she finally opened her eyes. She just smiled up at him making him feel full of love and happiness. "You hungry?" Her eyes got big and she nodded. "Stay right here. I will be right back." She seemed puzzled but accepted a gentle kiss on her mouth before he got out of bed. He pulled on his shorts that were on the floor. When he looked back at her and he saw no regrets only her beautiful sparkling eyes shining at the memory of how the shorts got there.  
He hurried to the kitchen and made her some French toast, sausage and hot chocolate with little marshmallows. Jim cleaned the kitchen as he went and then put it all on a tray. The tray was filled with enough food for two. When Jim reached his room, he found her lying on her stomach just staring into space with a goofy little smile on her face.

When she saw him, she almost shouted with glee. "Jim! You made me breakfast!" She seemed so pleased that he made her some food. At that point, it was easy to guess no one ever made her breakfast in bed before. "Thank you so much. That was so sweet of you." Her glee turned into a little frown and her eyes glistened with unshed tears.

"Hey. Don't. It's okay." Jim hated to see her cry. It reeked hectic on his heart which she seemed to keep putting in his throat. He pulled off a small piece of French toast and syrup and held it up near her mouth. She smiled and opened her mouth. He fed her with his fingers like she was a baby bird.  
"Mmmmm, that's so good." She licked the syrup off his fingers. Her mouth parted waiting for the next bite. Never one to disappoint Pam, Jim quickly took another piece between his fingers and placed it in her mouth. His fingers lingered on her lips patiently awaiting their licking. Jim's breath caught as she swept her tongue over his fingers and then took them in her mouth for a thorough cleaning. Each suck of her mouth on his fingers seemed to be felt elsewhere in long sensuous pulls of pleasure. Jim continued feeding her and she continued sucking his fingers clean.

She smiled at him playfully. "Thank you so much for doing this for me, Jim. It really is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me." Other then what you did a little while ago with your tongue. When she was done eating from his fingers, Pam kissed him on the cheek which turned into something much more.

Jim set the tray on the floor and Pam laid back down on the bed waiting for him. He joined her and the kissing continued. Their kisses were full of love and passion. Pam was getting a bit overheated and started pulling off Jim's shirt. Soon he was lying next to her shirtless and her hands were touching and caressing his chest. He moaned and enjoyed the attention for a moment.  
He looked her in the eyes and held the bottom hem of the t-shirt she was wearing. He wanted to take it off of her so badly but Jim didn't know if she was ready for that. "May I?" It was a simple question but the answer was incredibly important.

She groaned and nodded. "Yeah. Please." Her shirt was off and on the floor.

"My God, you are so beautiful." He was staring at her beauty and seemed unable to stop. He was almost she would vanish if he touched her. But when Jim softly cupped her breasts and they both moaned in pleasure. He gently massaged them and Pam groaned and arched up into him. It was the most incredible invitation he had ever gotten. He pinched her nipples in little pulses. She seemed breathless when his lips replaced his pinching fingers. His mouth sucked her nipple in long pulls. "Yes, Jim! Oh more!" She was grinding up against him just begging to be taken. His lips kissed across her breast to find the other one was in need of attention as well. He couldn't play favorites so he gave it the exact attention he had given the other rosy tip. Her throaty cries were starting to get to him. "Please. Jim! Oh!"

She was panting when he skimmed his fingers down her body to circle her clitoris. It seemed to be throbbing and he could feel that she was glistening with need. "Jim!" It was almost surreal as Pam pulled off his shorts. Her face a bit uncertain but full of desire.

"Pam." That's all he could say. "Pam." He moved so he was over her. She wiggled about so he was lined up with her body. This was a moment to savor. He entered her very slowly as he watched her response to him. He tried to take in every detail, every feeling, and every sound. Her face was shining with love as she felt him enter her. It was pure magic. He took his time moving forward inch by inch. When he finally was all the way inside her, Jim didn't move. He let her adjust to his size and he needed to adjust to her heated tightness. This was as close to her as he could ever get. He was deep inside her but it didn't seem close enough.

She was so in love with him, this moment was almost too much to bear. Pam never quite knew what making love really was until this moment. It was a complete sharing of souls and hearts. It felt so right for him to be inside her. It was...

All thoughts were chased out of her head by intense pleasure. Jim had started to move. "Oh. Jim." He slid almost so he was out of her and then pushed right back in. Pam was shocked at the pleasure she felt. She saw stars and by the tenth stroke she came. Her insides clenched as waves of strong pleasure swept over her. "Oh. Jim! Yessss!" It was a long deep orgasm. It happened so fast that it caught her off guard. But that didn't stop her enjoyment of every single pulse and wave of pleasure that washed through her. When she could she opened her eyes to find Jim staring down at her with happiness and love.

He smiled and kissed her mouth. "Hey." Then he started moving again. He chuckled when he saw a look of surprise on her face. "Didn't think we were done, did you?" Pam blushed and giggled. God, I love making her happy. I wish I could do it all the time. He stopped moving to give her a little break.

Her little moan of disappointment told him, she didn't need much of a break. He smiled down at her just drinking her in. "You are truly the most beautiful woman I have ever seen." So many other things he wanted to say but he couldn't. Finally, her insistent wiggling of her hips up into him was a plea he could no longer ignore. "Okay, okay." He smiled down at her and gave her exactly what she needed.

Jim started thrusting in and out of her slowly. He made sure to grind down on her when he was deep inside of her. Jim leaned down and kissed her mouth. He swallowed her grasps of pleasure. Her body told him he wasn't going to have to wait much longer for them to find release. He felt like he wound them up pretty tight and it was almost time to let go. Jim knew she was close and so was he. He just kept up a nice even rhythm, moving in and out of her body. She felt so good. She felt so right. He understood her body's needs as if they were long time lovers. His thrusting and movements speeded up to push her over the edge of pleasure. Soon she was calling out his name. "Jim! Oh Jim! I am coming! Jimmmm!" Her body tighten around him and he felt her internal muscles milking his pleasure out of him. "Pam! Oh! Pam! Yes!" He couldn't help but to shout with relief at the pleasure that washed over them. She pulled him right over into the intense orgasm she was having so they could share in the joy of it.

He withdrew from her and set his body next to her. She was staring at him wide eyed. Pam cupped his face gently and kissed his lips. A tear slid down her face as she looked up at him.

"Hey." His voice was soft and low.

"Hey." He wanted to tell her how much it meant to him. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her. He wanted to tell her how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. He wanted to tell her so many things but didn't seem to be able to do so. He just watched her as she tried to found the words she was searching for.

"Um, Jim." Pam hesitated. "I just wanted to say...I mean that is...I don't know how..." She looked down and then back up at him as another tear escaped. He wanted to stop her. She was ending it. His heart was breaking. If he wasn't careful he was going to be crying as well. "Jim, I love you."

She said it quietly as if it wasn't the most important fact Jim could ever know.  
He opened his mouth to protest her tossing them away without talking about it and immediately closed his mouth. She had spoken so softly, he couldn't have heard her right. "What?"

Pam looked down. She was losing her nerve_. What if he didn't love her anymore? He was leaving after all. May be he had moved on? May be to him this was closure. Her heart was breaking. She waited too long to tell him. _

"Pam, tell me. What did you just say?" Jim raised her chin to force him to look at him with her teary eyes. She shook her head and pressed her lips together tightly. "Please Pam." _Damn it! This isn't a game. Tell me! _

She was crying now. How embarrassing! "It doesn't matter, Jim."

Jim needed to know. He probably misheard but if he didn't...He couldn't even think of that. "Pam. I need to know what you said."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Jim repeated himself. It was pathetic of him to still harbor hope. But after what they just shared how could he not hope? "Pam, please tell me what you just said." He was practically growling at her.

Pam was feeling pushed and pressured. She got a little snappish with him out of frustration mixed with humiliation. "I said...oh never mind. It doesn't matter." She turned her head away from him.

"Pam, I really need to know what you said." Jim hated that he sounded so desperate but this was his life she was talking about...this was everything. He couldn't have possibly heard what he thought he heard.

Pam looked away from his stare. He moved slightly and an aftershock of pleasure went through her. Jim was still inside her and they were still connected. Several breathes passed and the only sound was their hearts returning to normal.

"Pam." It came out like a plea for mercy. He needed to know what the hell she had said. Jim shifted his weight and watched her moan. A little smile of smug satisfaction crossed Jim's face. Finally, he felt as if he had a little power over her. He hadn't really softened at all and her little passionate mews only aroused and hardened his further. "I." Jim moved himself back, completely enjoying her whine of disappointment. "Need." He pushed back inside a place he wished never to leave. "You." Jim ground himself down on her while she groaned in want. "To." He pulled out only to shove himself back in. "Tell." Circling his hips, Pam's eyes rolled back in pleasure. Pulling back out, he froze and stared down at her. "Me." She was on the cusp of orgasm. Her eyes flew open as all the pleasurable friction had stopped. She moved her head back and forth when she found herself unable to move her hips at all.

"Jim." It was a demanding whine. It would have made Jim smile at how wanton Miss Beesley when it came to him but he ignored the ego boost.

Exasperation kicked in. "Pam! I need to know. Please." He refused to let her hide anymore. Jim took her face in his hands and held her so she was looking directly at him.

Pam was almost pouting but she said, "I love you. Okay?" Her body was moving anxiously trying to achieve some measure of friction but without his help would be unable to do so.

Jim's world shattered. _She loves me! _He was surprised not to hear angels sing. _She loves me! _He was staring at her blushing mad little face and smiled. "Yes! Yes, it's okay! It is better than okay! It is great!" Jim was just happy. It didn't matter that Pam didn't seemed to be happy about it. She loved him.

"Please Jim." She was breathless and needy.

He arched an eyebrow and innocently asked. "What?"

Pam's groan of torment was his undoing. Without further preamble, he gave her what she needed. She almost shouted with relief as she came on him. When her body stopped clenching him, he paused for a moment to take it in. She was in his bed, and she loved him. Life was too great for words sometimes. Pam looked up at him expectantly and smiled shyly. She blushed a bit with embarrassment though that didn't last long. Because Jim continued to love her some more until she cried out with him in complete satisfaction.

As he laid next to her cuddling her close and a fear gripped his heart. May be she said that just because of the distress, she was in. He needed to make sure it was real. "Pam, did you...you know mean what you said...before."

"What?" Pam was still a bit blissed out.

"When you said...you know...did you mean it?" Jim's insecurity bled through his words.

Pam smiled then frowned a bit. She nodded and quietly restated the oblivious. "I love you."

"Really! This is so great!" Jim was so unbelievably happy he was beside himself with joy.

"Oh yeah. It fabulous!" Pam was getting more annoyed with the situation and as she thought about it she didn't know how to turn it around. "I am engaged. You are leaving. It is freaking amazing!"

Jim could only smile at her. There was no way she was marrying Roy and there was no way they were going to be parted. So by his estimation it was 'freaking amazing'. "You love me." He kissed her mouth with a very happy kiss.

Pam started smiling back at him. Just like that Jim turned things around without doing anything other then kissing her. _How did he do that? _"Yes. We have established that fact." Her voice soften as she let the love she felt for him come through her voice as she stroked his cheek. "I love you. I love you more than anything in the entire world. You are my everything." She stopped and frowned a bit. "But that doesn't change the facts."

Jim stroked her face with his finger. "You can't marry Roy." He knew he had to say it. He always knew he was going to say it. He just didn't know he was going to say it after they had made love. "I am your best friend and I have should have said it long before this. Roy doesn't love you the way you deserve to be loved." Jim knew he probably sounded like an idiot and he should have said it before. It probably would have saved them both a lot of pain.

Very softly Pam said, "I know." She entwined her fingers with Jim. "I have known for a long time I couldn't marry him but I didn't want to admit I had just wasted 10 years of my life."

Jim was trying not to be hurt and angry at what she was saying. "You didn't want to have wasted 10 years so you were going to toss away the rest of you life? You were going to toss away us?"

"You don't understand. There is a momentum that gets behind something you behind you want so much that it is very hard..." She stopped and just gave him a sad little smile. "I wasn't sure there was an us."

"What do you mean you weren't sure there was an us?" Jim found it amazing she could question their relationship.

"Let's see, you and I are best friends and we talked a lot at work. But that's what best friends do."

Jim injected. "Yeah but come on. All the looks we shared...all those moments. You had to know I loved you."

Pam protested. "You were dating quite a bit. There was always someone with you."

Jim grimaced. He had been dating various women but that was because he couldn't have her. "They meant nothing to me."

"Nice, Jim." Pam was a bit grossed out by that.

"No, Pam I mean I tried to make myself care about them but I couldn't." He pulled her close and gave her a hug. "I could never love them because they weren't you. I usually only started dating someone to numb the pain of never having you. You have ruined every relationship I have tried to have in the last 4 years." Jim didn't sound mad about it. He was just stating the facts.

Pam ran her fingers through his hair and without remorse said, "Good. I hated everyone of those girls." She blushed a bit. "I wanted what they had."

"Oh Pam they never had me. Ever." Jim wanted to make sure she understood.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Pam questioned him.

"Roy. You. I didn't want to be the guy to break up a relationship. I knew it wasn't right to have feelings for someone else's girl, but I couldn't help it. I thought if I gave you enough openings you would leave him on your own. But then you didn't. I thought that I really had misinterpreted our friendship." The familiar pain resurfaced as Jim spoke.

Pam rubbed her hands down his back. "I am sorry. I am sorry."

"Me too. We are just idiots." Jim shrugged.

"Hey, speak for yourself." Pam huffed at him. "So, now what are we going to do?"

Jim knew telling Roy and cancelling the wedding wouldn't be easy on her but after the last four years of hell it would seem like a picnic. He handed her his cell phone. "What ever we do, we do it together."

She took the phone and started dialing Roy's number. Pam paused and kissed Jim. "I love you!" With that one simple statement they both knew everything was finally going to be aright.


End file.
